Adding to the incredible well of "lame" that I possess

After another sleepless night of freezing in my ice-cold-witch's-tit room, I impulse-purchased this from Amazon:


Warm Wiskers Black and White Cat Hot Water Bottle

Come on, guys, it's so goddamned cold at night. Yeah, "Warm Wiskers--" whatever, I would buy this if it was a giant Richard Nixon head made out of chenille.

In the comments below, the first customer writes:

"I purchased this hot water bottle to help keep a homeless cat warm during the winter. He loves it. He snuggles with it for hours."

You know what? That doesn't even shame me one bit. The only job a cat has is NAPPING. That's like, an expert opinion. Hot water bottle: approved. Thanks, homeless cat.