Another New York Playwright's Blog

Test test test

2010-12-24T22:05:00.001-05:00

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2010-12-16T12:34:00.002-05:00

I'm considering switching to another blogging platform, since blogspot is a little cumbersome, especially from my phone.

Tumblr? It seems kinda like Twitter, except for blogs and minus one vowel.

Darabont fires his entire writing staff

2010-12-01T09:14:00.003-05:00

via Deadline, via Milch, The Walking Dead is going into its 2nd season sans its current writing staff, and possible sans writing staff at all. That's super unusual.

But, okay, if they're doing an overhaul, here's my Top Five Ways to Improve The Walking Dead

1. For the love of God, improve the gender politics, specifically Lori's unnecessarily irrational behavior. The hysterical, capricious woman-as-victim is incredibly tired, uncomplicated and boring.

2. Stop making Dale the wise guru of the show. Just because he has a beard and is old, that doesn't mean he always has to have a platitude on hand. Remember in the comic how he liked having both Amy and Andrea around because they flirted with him? Dale's still human, right?

3. The drama inherent in a post-apocalyptic world is heightened enough. There's more interesting storytelling by allowing the characters to make difficult decisions subtly, or address the new issues that arrise when zombies have taken over the world with a little doubt instead of guns-blazing arrogance. For example, how much more interesting would the bit about Carol's abusive husband have been if he weren't just some woman-hating piece of white trash, but instead, like the comics do later, if he had a crucial role to the community (ie, if he were the best shot or the only good hunter or something) and dealing with him could impact their basic survival? Instead we get Andrea making a huge scene and Shane bashing the guy's head in. Boo.

4. Enough. With. The terrible. Dialogue.

5. And finally, instead of having kneejerk plot points that further the exposition ("I heard the CDC was looking for a cure..." Really, Rick? You hear that in your COMA?), the writing could be (and is, for the most part, in the comic) so much more thoughtful.

There you go. You're welcome, Frank Darabont.

Pinter Plays

2010-11-11T09:08:00.003-05:00

Atlantic is putting up two one acts by Pinter at CSC right now The Collection and Some Kind of Alaska. I'm not sure why they're using Classic Stage Company's space. Are they renovating their main stage?

It's fascinating to see the difference between these two plays, written about 20 years apart. The Collection is much more on-the-nose than Pinter at his best, and despite the setup (essentially, "who is telling the truth in a tale of infidelity"), the play somehow lacks his usual forward momemtum of mystery and malice bubbling beneath the surface. Heather put it best when she said it reminded her of something Pinter would write in grad school.

But Some Kind of Alaska is a masterpiece. It is so heartbreaking and unexpected and wonderful. It's influenced by Awakenings, which I just picked up from the library a few days ago, and the story is so simple, a woman waking up from a 29-year coma of some sort coming to terms with the time that has passed. The play is so beautiful, and watching Lisa Emery and Larry Bryggman bring it to life is perfect.

Teh Berkz

2010-11-10T23:30:00.008-05:00

Took a mini vacation to the Berkshires when I had two mornings off work. Short story: Beautiful! Relaxing! Snow!

Long story: We stayed at Porches and it's charming and beautiful even if we didn't swim in the so-called open-year-round heated pool even though I definitely packed a bathing suit and yeah, I know it's all but winter, but year-round! Heated! Pool, come on! Fine.

John took a nifty photo of the room using some panorama app on his iphone and blah blah blah stolen photo that I can't seem to make the right size for this blog:

We woke up the next day to snow??

Snow??

Fine, we can just wait for the breakfast we ordered to come to our room in old timey tin lunchboxes.

What is more exciting than a tin thermos of coffee? Not a whole lot, my friend.

I guess the only thing we actually did was go to Mass MoCA and look at the Sol Lewitt Exhibit, which is so great (especially when your tour guide is the director of marketing and has been at the museum since before it was a museum).

Look at this timelapse of my favorite painting.

The art was awesome, but is it bad that I liked the passageway (a bridge tunnel???) to the exhibit more?

Scary!

Then we drove back to New York listening to Best Coast and Michael Jackson and Lady Gaga and I went to work at 4 o'clock The End.

Swype helps too.

2010-11-06T12:32:00.005-04:00

Since upgrading my cell phone from the technological equivalent of this,

to this,

...a surprising advantage has been that I am zipping out artistic statements and project proposals and cover letters and resume upgrades and etc., etc., etc. Writing drafts in Gmail on my Droid -- usually on my commute, but also when I'm doing laundry or when I'm standing on line at the post office for an excruciating amount of time or when I'm killing an hour or so after work and before tutoring. And then I can justify the glass of wine or unnecessarily large cookie or stolen cigarette because LOOK I ACCOMPLISHED THINGS.

Basically what I'm trying to say is, when you see me you should give me a drink and a cookie and a cigarette.

Braaaaaains, BRAAAAAAINS

2010-11-02T10:51:00.004-04:00

It's beating a dead horse -- or (SPOILER ALERT) eating a dead horse with your pale, mangled zombie arms -- but The Walking Dead on AMC is fantastic. It's the first time I felt the pang of zomg-what-if-they-ruin-it fangirl flutters in my tummy, but it so doesn't disappoint. I'd even say to wait for the series to end before you pick up the comics... if only because I'm jealous of anyone who has no idea what's coming.

Phoenix, Arizona. Not really.

2010-10-21T14:06:00.003-04:00

So there's that super-hipster, pseudo-elitist thing about liking a band before they get popular, and then not liking them once they get really popular. And that is really annoying.

But what is also really annoying is when a band you like gets really popular, and then they start playing terrible venues like Terminal 5 and Carnegie Hall (not a terribly venue for everything, but terrible for a rock band) and Madison Square Garden. Especially Madison Square Garden, where tickets cost $35+ and you have to watch the show on a screen.

That being said, last night's Phoenix concert at MSG was really really good, and only better when DAFT PUNK played with them during the encore.

I don't have any pictures because I was totally in the arena part of that arena, but here's a picture of a sleepy giraffe I saw online, ENJOY:

O hai blogz

2010-10-08T16:21:00.004-04:00

Last weekend I went to Boston and saw Cabaret, and watched the band Film School at some place whose name escapes me but it made no sense and also had "Bear" in it and the band also was fairly unmemorable since I just now confused them with the band The Film Society and John had to correct me. Oh and we went to Newbury Comics. All three of these things were a little disappointing (ouch, honesty) but what was not disappointing was how really really beautiful Boston is in the fall and also do you know how blue the water looks in the Charles River? Like, really blue.

Of course, I didn't take any pictures because I am an idiot. Except this one, of the menu at Miracle of Science, which is written like a periodic table.

Nerd.

Three things

2010-09-26T22:45:00.002-04:00

A book to read: The Patterns of Paper Monsters

A music to listen to even though you've been listening to it all summer: Sleigh Bells

A place to eat at (and order the chicken) (I know, who orders chicken?) (Order the chicken.): The Good Fork

A Bright New Boise

2010-09-21T17:56:00.005-04:00

You don't have to take it from me, but I promise you that this is not one you want to miss. I saw it a week ago, but I might just go again (that's not high praise, that's unprecedented praise). Beautiful, haunting, hilarious, moving, near-perfect.

Info here: Bright New Boise by Sam Hunter

5 Things You Should Not Attempt While Recovering from a Death Flu

2010-09-16T15:17:00.005-04:00

1. Successfully walking to the bodega for more juice instead of getting tired at the bottom of the stairs and giving up.

2. Starting a new play or finishing an old play or remembering a time in which writing anything was not the painful headache of a stupid, feverish brain.

3. Expecting no one to notice that you're sick if you just brush an extra layer of bronzer onto your cold, clammy, wan face.

4. Doing anything besides drawing sad pictures of owls in a college-ruled notebook you found under your bed.

5. Or -- anything. Doing anything. Like, at all.

Some days it's Labor Day

2010-09-06T21:03:00.002-04:00

And because you just finished a new play, you stop laboring and you go to the Storm King Art Center (real name) with this fine fella:

To eat some meat and cheese on a blanket surrounded by giant art sculpture things that look like this:

And also maybe you spend the day looking at each other through post-modern cube shaped things like this:

And that might just be what you do.

Sometimes I write plays for actors I like and hope they won't think it's awful

2010-08-30T21:13:00.002-04:00

Tish and Eddie, married, 30s, they live outside of Atlanta. He's worked at a garage for just about forever now, seems like, and she's a nurse at the hospital and likes it well enough. They're in their kitchen and goddamned it was hot as hell today, wasn't it?

... ...

TISH
Kiki’s gonna be staying with us that weekend anyway, so. Be nice to have something for her to do.

EDDIE
Lotta weekends she’s staying here now.

TISH
You know how it is.

EDDIE
I know how it is.

TISH
And it’s good for her. That age. Dunno what George is gonna do when she’s a full-on teenager and he has to have the Talk with her.

EDDIE
What talk?

TISH
The Talk. When you become a -- when you’re a teenager and you need certain things, ah. Explained to you.

EDDIE
I don’t remember any talk.

TISH
Well, you wouldn’t know about it, would you.

EDDIE
What’s this -- lady stuff?

TISH
Lady stuff. All I know is, George is real lucky he got an older sister aunt for his eleven-year-old daughter, I will tell you that much.

EDDIE
Aunt. Aunt Mom, seems like. She’s over here enough.

TISH
It’s good for her, Ed.

EDDIE
I know, I know. I like it. I like her over here.

TISH
Long as you don’t have to give her any talk about her lady stuff.

EDDIE
‘Ey, enough of that. Lady stuff.

TISH
All right, all right.

EDDIE
We should do something to that room she sleeps in. Like a little prison cell right now. Put up some, ah. Some lady things in that room. Curtains. Or paint it, ah. Pink or something. Flowers on it, I dunno.

TISH
Maybe like a project. Summer vacation.

EDDIE
Yeah.
(beat)
Yeah, I like it -- her staying here. Kiki staying here. You think I don’t?

TISH
Well, I dunno, Eddie.

EDDIE
I like it. Like we’re a real family, you know?

TISH
Ah. Right.
(A beat. That stung.)
So. Birthday. Ice cream cake?

EDDIE
Hell, yeah.

TISH
All right.

Tutoring some AP US History today

2010-08-26T15:27:00.003-04:00

Julia: "...some 35 years ago, the Ice Age --"

Me: 35,000 years ago.

Julia: What? Oh! Right, 35 years ago, right around when Cameron Diaz was born...

Fun fact: Many of these are true

2010-08-18T12:19:00.008-04:00

I'm about to turn a quarter-century old, so it's time to revisit the past 24 years of my life.

Age | Seminal Event

1: Develop motor skills, eat solid foods, memorize the first 20 digits of pi.

2: Parents beginning to regret having second child so soon.

3: Beginning of two-year-long playground marriage to little boy named Michael. Still longest relationship to date.

4: Finally kick the crystal meth habit.

5: Watch "E.T." on VHS for the first time, am immediately paralyzingly terrified of E.T.

6: Start kindergarten a year late because I wouldn't talk to the other children in preschool and parents worried I had "special problems." Clearly not much has changed.

7: Thursday September 17th 1992: no one is impressed by that drawing I did of sea creatures at the aquarium.

8: Still not sure how to write a cursive capital Q.

9: School yearbook requires lower school students to write short paragraph on "the best thing about this year." My opening sentence "The best thing about this year is next year."

10: Surrounded and almost attacked by troop of territorial baboons in Tanzania.

11: No memories from this year whatsoever.

12: Choose bedroom hammock over traditional bed; later regret this decision.

13: New set of horns sprout from top of head, am insecure for next 4.5 years

14: Realize that 14 is the worst age ever. Unfortunately did not see 15 coming.

15: Someone tells me that pseudo-statistic about swallowing spiders in your sleep and so I don't sleep for the next seven years.

16: A strange 12-month apprenticeship in that Magyar hermitage -- oh, wait this is the year 2001, not 201.

17: Continuously relive April 3rd a la Groundhog Day. Do not learn any life lessons.

18: Friend earnestly informs me that "Hey Ya" is the first rock song by a black singer ever! and I learn that sometimes my friends can be idiots.

19: Walk in on drama-major college roommates doing Meisner exercises and realize theater is just a little bit retarded.

20: Apropos of nothing, my mother sends me a small, plastic bird that tweets when you walk past it.

21: Decide my first alcoholic drink (ever, law enforcement officers) will be firewater!

22: Spend a lot of the year really worried about that mole.

23: Discover new favorite cereal: Panda Puffs.

24: Do not have air conditioning for most of the summer in top floor apartment, suspect possible permanent neurological damage.

So really, who knows what 25 will bring.

My favorite picture of all time

2010-08-14T10:58:00.004-04:00

Dogsitting Rocko Day One.

Mandatory vacation = Staycation

2010-08-13T13:14:00.006-04:00

No work for the next week and a few days, so I'm going to the Upper East Side (people live there too, turns out!) and dogsitting and housestaying and "finishing this new play" -- for you non-writers, that's code for chainsmoking and weeping in the corner while the blinking insertion point in Final Draft taunts me.

(Yes, I Googled "what is that blinking line in word processing" because I knew it wasn't just "cursor." Turns out: Insertion point)

I will also be exploring the UES and not from the "I work here and want to kill myself and everyone around me" standpoint of a few years ago.

Here are 5 places I plan to go to that I have not yet been to in the six years (six! yikes!) that I've been living in New York:
1. Cafe Sabarsky
2. The Whitney (specifically this) and the Guggenheim
(Wait, I've never been to the Whitney or the Gugg? Philistine up in here.)
3. Carl Schurz Park
4. The National Design Whatever just to see children's Google Doodles
5. The Shakespeare Garden just because a part of me doesn't believe this exists

In thirty days:

2010-08-07T17:24:00.004-04:00

Prospect Park went from this:

To this:

Don't get me wrong, I love a brown, prickly, arid wasteland as much as the next guy, but jeez. Fall, anyone?

What...

2010-07-29T18:50:00.002-04:00

...you don't wear matching red dresses when you visit your friend's baby in the park?

Quick trip

2010-07-24T14:08:00.007-04:00

Back to the O'Neill, to see Molly's beautiful play Close Up Space and to be terrible at bean bag tossing at the pub and to be a nuisance to everyone for rides and accommodations and tickets and to smoke on this porch:

And also this porch:

Going back felt like a tune up. Tuned up, y'all.

Finishing another pass through Route One Off and working on a new play and an old play and another thing that I don't know what it is.

Sometimes things are wonderful

2010-07-16T10:46:00.008-04:00

Last night's Love Language show was fantastic. Stuart McLamb's got some pipes on him, and the band's moody, poppy, bittersweet sound played great live. Also -- this is something I love -- but the band just seemed to be having a great time with each other. They smiled and joked and might not have had the best (ie understandable) banter, but it was some good stage chemistry. Gotta love that. That and a keyboardist rocking out some badass tambourine action.

Highlights of the (90 minute?) set included a mad energetic (as it should be!) "Sparxxx," a sing-along version of "Manteo," and everyone's favorite, "Lalita," complete with a trumpet-playing gentleman from Merge who hopped onstage for a hot minute (although I'll be damned if I actually *heard* any trumpeting, but hey, it's the charming thought that counts). I'm fairly sure they hit every song in their repertoire, and the only reason the show ended was because there was nothing left to play. I got there lateish -- in the middle of "Providence" -- and I'm bummed that I missed McLamb's solo cover of The Zombie's "This Will Be Our Year" that apparently opened the set.

Libraries is the new jam -- stream it while you can and buy it when you can't; the album dropped on Tuesday.

This show totally washed out out the disappointing taste of the Real Estate / Kurt Vile show at Le Poisson Rouge last week. The bands were fine, but the crowd was awful; too drunk so early, too pushy for a smallish crowd, too "I'm going to spill this beer down your back and then stand right in front of you without buying you an apology beer." Maybe it's just the nature of this band, but the Love Language crowd was great -- there was a happy, blissed-out vibe in the unlikely, dank recesses of Mercury Lounge.

Visual dramaturgy, screenplay edition

2010-07-12T19:17:00.003-04:00

My new obsession

2010-07-11T14:19:00.006-04:00

Look, silly bands!

(I refuse to write "bandz" like it says on the package)

Total pseudo-nostalgia since silly bands did not exist when I was a kid. But they are my new addiction; Laura and I spent fifteen minutes picking out packets of them yesterday and then doing swappies for maximum silly bands variety.

See, you untangle them to get...

An elephant!

A giraffe!

A dog!

A... what is that!

A pirate? Okay, that one's not so good.

Yay silly bands. Yes, I'm twelve.

Places where it is not 101 degrees

2010-07-06T23:46:00.004-04:00

Back from another weekend on this farm with the people who raised me:

Not a stock photo.

Fun fact: Instead of planting corn next year, the family is considering planting "fields and fields of sunflowers" because "how pretty would that be??" This is probably a very good idea and also totally a very good idea.

And now, a little photo diary of the Fourth of July parade in Purcellville

Someone is all ready for the parade:

The first tractor of about 800 tractors:

Police toting little children in a little car parade (meta):

The High Seas Expedition float, obviously blasting light Christian rock:

Purcell Guns, naturally:

Biker police -- the front one totally bit it three minutes before I took this picture:

This badass drummer lady is my hero:

After the parade, we came home and made dinner, which involved me touching peeled shrimp shells, ick:

But worth it, to create this, the spiciest jambalaya of deliciousness:

Yum:

101 in the goddamned city. Is it Thanksgiving yet?

Devil Dog

2010-07-04T07:45:00.003-04:00

Just another day with Pete,

getting away with murder.

Dan Boeckner My New Boyfriend

2010-07-01T10:10:00.012-04:00

I just mean, these are some lyrics from Dan Boeckner my new boyfriend's song "Little Golden Age" (see post below for more Wolf Parade gushing):

Then you left town feeling pretty down
With your headphones and your coat and your dirty graduation gown you were
In the bedroom singing radio songs
Sing them loud
Sing them all night, Emily

I'm pretty sure that means Dan Boeckner is my new boyfriend and Dan Boeckner my new boyfriend writes me songs and then Dan Boeckner my new boyfriend sings them to me on his new album and also is my new boyfriend.

New Wolf Parade New Wolf Parade New Wolf Parade!

2010-06-30T17:21:00.008-04:00

Yep, I still prefer the Dan Boeckner-penned half of the Wolf Parade discography, and I'm already burning through his tracks on Expo 86 (free album stream if you haven't already obsessively bought it like I have). "Little Golden Age" -- such a good track.

...The world's best album cover

I feel like I've spent a ton of cash on tickets recently, but I can't decide it's worth the money to see them (again) at Terminal 5 (booooo)on July 13th. Or if it's worth it since I'm probably going to Heartless Bastards on the 14th and definitely going to Love Language on the 15th. Worth it? Ah, probably.

Note to self

2010-06-29T11:54:00.003-04:00

Always write plays with adorable children wearing raincoats in them:

From the Source Tumblr

Splinters in DC -- info here.

Things I did last weekend

2010-06-28T15:08:00.006-04:00

So I went with these folks to that place and did a lot of this:

And it was pretty much totally awesome. Yes to theater people being theater-y. Yes to someone else cooking three times a day. Yes to just enough alcohol, too many cigarettes, and midnight lake swimming.

They did a reading of ROUTE ONE OFF -- this new thing that I wrote part of (more than part of) (okay, almost all of) last Saturday. Had a totally slammin' cast. Ridiculously talented people working some magic in the usual shortshortshort amount of day-of-reading rehearsal time.

Here's a chunk between a dude and a chick:

LEE: Hey, so. So you want to hear something?

FELICIA: All right.

LEE: So when I was driving around with that -- with Jeremy, the really messed-up kid or whatever, when I was driving with Jeremy, we went down that road where all those people built their houses like. Like right hanging over the road sorta, you know where I’m talking about?

FELICIA: I guess so.

LEE: Yeah, so. So anyway, we were driving down that road and I was sorta. Like I was sorta tuned out ‘cause this guy he was -- Jeremy, like, he was sorta rambling on for a while and I couldn’t quite follow exactly what he was rambling on about, right, ‘cause he was just. Like he was real strung out, right? But I figured like. Like I figured it was better he just keeps talking my face off instead of. I dunno. Instead of falling asleep or something ‘cause he was sorta like. Like maybe if he fell asleep he just wouldn’t wake up again, right?

FELICIA: I don’t know, Lee.

LEE: I mean, okay, that’s not like the point of what I was saying or anything. That’s just -- well, so we were driving down that road and I was sorta tuned out and we were just driving along and right in front of us, there’s this other car coming down the road, like the other way, like towards us. And it’s a little ways off, but the street’s all lit up and we see -- both of us, we see this sort of, like this animal run out into the street. Possum, looked like. And it just gets -- like this car wasn’t even going real fast, but this possum, the car must’ve just clipped the side of him, but I guess when you’re a possum and part of you gets clipped by a car going any speed, really, guess that’s enough to do some damage, so.

FELICIA: That’s awful.

LEE: No, but. I mean, yeah, but. So, okay, so the other car keeps going, ‘cause, well, I dunno, ‘cause it was just a possum or whatever, so I guess they weren’t gonna stop. Not like it was someone’s cat or dog or kid or whatever. But so, okay so, we’re driving up to him now, and we’re going kinda slow ‘cause, I dunno, I guess seeing that possum get clipped by that car sorta freaked this -- Jeremy -- sorta freaked him out a little bit, so we’re going kinda slow and all, and we’re about twenty yards away, twenty-five yards away, when this other possum comes racing across the road and just sorta. Like grabs onto him. Grabs onto the other possum got clipped by that car and he was just. Just holding him there in the street. And we pass by and I’m looking in the rearview mirror over the dash and I see him, just. Just holding on, looks like. Holding on for dear life -- that’s the phrase that popped into my head.
(beat)
I dunno. Just made me think of you when I saw that, I dunno why.

(A beat.
Felicia looks at Lee for a very long moment. She makes a decision, then takes his face in her hands and kisses his forehead.)

FELICIA: Bye, Lee. I gotta go, all right?

(Lee takes her hand, and she lets him for a moment, and then she pulls away, and goes.)

Hi, I'm writing this from a train...

2010-06-24T18:28:00.004-04:00

...on my phone, on my way to Connecticut for a playwriting retreat. I know I'm 81 years old and have no business fiddling with this whole "technology" thing, but yikes! it is wonderful having a phone with the interwebs and a camera and text messages longer than 142 characters.

Mostly this means I won't have to call my very patient friend Sushi every week (really, every week) for directions or an address lookup.

Next I think I'll get someone to explain "digital cable" to me. I think it has something to do with fiber optics, the moon and every TV show every filmed.

Three days in New York

2010-06-21T16:35:00.006-04:00

There's the Page 73 benefit that's super hip with the drinks and the food and the music and the theater people being theater-y. But don't worry, I'll be there, attempting to round out the evening's "square" quota.

There's this: I just finished a new play (kind of, it still feels too short) called Route One Off (although I have been retitling it all day).

And also, I am going to write a play about these ladies I saw in the airport in Atlanta this morning.

They are wonderful ( <-- not irony):

Aren't they wonderful? They are so happy to be friends going on a trip and wearing their hats and look their husbands are with them taking photos of them in their hats and I bet they're going on a big adventure and it is just wonderful.

Ten minutes in Bloomfield

2010-06-18T10:13:00.005-04:00

I'm writing a short play for a couple of teenaged Stella Adler kids this summer.

I'm pretty sure it's going to take place right here:

Yeah, Mom and Dad, that's Bloomfield. Sorry.

EDIT: Yes, I know it's actually Nutley, but "Nutley" is not the name of a town I want to write about.

Storm chaser

2010-06-11T09:57:00.008-04:00

This is sort of how I feel about the month of June:

xkcd

A few weeks of couches, hotel rooms and probably more than one night sleeping on the beach, oh my.

June already?

2010-06-07T23:01:00.002-04:00

Yikes.

Here's something

More sun please

2010-05-31T09:38:00.004-04:00

It is just too beautiful to write more than monosyllabic reactions to the two shows I saw (with my parents!) this weekend. So:

Behanding: Eh.

Our Town for the third time: Yay!

Also, today is the last day to check out my ladyfriend Anna O'Donoghue in the Theatre for One booth. You already know how I feel about that.

Happy happy opening night

2010-05-26T17:54:00.003-04:00

I feel like a mother bird whose chick has finally toddled out of the nest. But in the good way, not like the chick fell out accidentally and now the mother bird won't recognize it as her own anymore.

Play to check out! Immediately: Page 73's world premiere of Jack's Precious Moment by my dear friend Sam Hunter.

I saw it last night, and it's opening tonight and I could not be happier for him.

Places that are very different from where I live

2010-05-19T17:13:00.002-04:00

Today I GoogleMaps Street Viewed my parents home in Virginia, except I couldn't, because Street View doesn't extend beyond the street you turn down to get to their house.

View Larger Map

My mom asked me one day why I write plays that take place in places like Carthage, MO, and in the slummy outskirts of Northern California and in Kentucky and St. Petersburg, FL, and West Texas.

"It's just funny, I mean. Because you live in New York and you write about these places that are, like. You know. Very different from New York, and so why does that appeal to you?"

Things to do with bread, besides eat it

2010-05-14T16:57:00.004-04:00

This Embroidered Wonder Bread reminds me of my mother's 16-year-old loaf of bread shaped like a hedgehog. It has raisin eyes.

Happy almost-the-end-of-the-week

2010-05-13T21:48:00.007-04:00

This week and last have been a blur.

Here's a list:

1. Workshopping CARTHAGE at Marin Theatre Co was a blast. Bangin' cast, smart arts folk, some good (I hope) rewriting. And they gave me a red truck to drive around in, and it only took me three days to feel brave enough to drive into the city. Hooray!

2. Starting a new play. Something something motel parking lot. I don't know.

3. I-73 (which I've been in since October or whatever?) now includes Maker's Mark. Check.

4. Pretending I have money to burn, I bought tickets to this and this. And I will probably go super fangirl and buy tickets to this as well so as to see Real Estate as many times as possible, but probably only if I find someone willing to travel with me to Jersey.

Also, here are some bears:

Polar cub

Teddy cub

Something you should definitely do

2010-05-04T12:31:00.003-04:00

Theater for One in Times Square

May 14th-May 23rd

Artistic Director: Christine Jones
Created in Collaboration with LOT-EK Architects
Ada Tolla and Giuseppe Lignano.

Theatre for One is a portable performing arts space for one performer and one audience member, that turns public events into private acts, making each performance a singularly intimate exchange.

For 10 days, Theatre for One will be in residence in Duffy Square, presenting magic, poetry, dance, puppetry and theatre pieces created specifically for this venue.

Open Hours are 1—3, 4—6 and 7—9pm. Weather permitting.
Entrance inside the booth is on a first come first serve basis.

Two ladies from Carthage in an Untitled Play about Carthage (again)

2010-04-30T15:18:00.002-04:00

(Cheryl (40s) at the stove.

Mary (70s)at the table. She starts to get up.)

CHERYL
Mom, what are you doing?

MARY
There's a smudge of something on my plate.

CHERYL
Okay, well, just tell me there’s a smudge of something on your plate and I'll get you a new plate.

MARY
I can get my own new plate.

CHERYL
And -- Mom, you're supposed to use your walker.

MARY
I know, I know.

(Mary starts toward the kitchen without her walker, but Cheryl is already bringing a new plate over. She takes the smudged plate from Mary, who sits back down at the table.)

CHERYL
Just stay there until --

MARY
I can get up and get my own plate, Cheryl.

CHERYL
Not without your walker. Come on, Mom.

MARY
(tutting, or whatever)
Tchk.

CHERYL
You’ll slip and fall and then we have to take another trip to the ER. You know, they think I'm abusing you? After last time?

MARY
Oh, they don't think that nobody here is abusing me.

CHERYL
Yes, they do. I saw it on the doctor's chart. "Domestic violence screening."

MARY
That doesn't mean anything.

CHERYL
Yeah, it does, Mom. They think I'm abusing you because they don't believe I could come home two times and find you -- in one month -- and find you on the floor, bleeding from your head. Even though that's exactly what I came home to find last, ah, last month.

(A beat.)

MARY
Did you put Snackwells on the shopping list?

CHERYL
We have some already.

MARY
We're out of the Devil's Food.

CHERYL
There's the other kind. The vanilla kind.

MARY
The vanilla...
(beat)
Do you remember when I used to give you cookies when you were a baby?

CHERYL
Cookies? I don't know, Mom. Sure, cookies.

MARY
Maybe you were too little to remember. When you were a baby.

CHERYL
Okay.

MARY
You were so funny. I used to give you a cookie and you'd sit there sucking on it. You wouldn't take a bite until it turned soft-- mush in your fingers. And-- well, you were still a baby, but you weren't-- you had all your teeth, I mean. I suppose you were a toddler. Almost a toddler. And you were eating solid foods-- Cheerios, carrots, little slices of apples -- but I'd give you a cookie and you'd just sit there sucking on it. Until it was mush and you could lick it from your fingers. It was the strangest thing.

CHERYL
Gross, Mom.

MARY
Well, it was a good thing. One cookie -- it'd take you all of half an hour to get through it. Only thing that would keep you quiet. You were a crier, boy were you ever. Cry all day long, no matter what I did. Didn't want to be held, didn't want to be read to or sung to or... The neighbor's heard you through the walls and they'd say, why is your baby crying all the time? Give her something, for Pete's sake. Maybe they thought someone was domestic abusing you. But I'd give you a cookie, and you'd sit there happy, sucking on it. Otherwise, you'd just cry and cry...
(beat)
I don't know why.

Text messages from my father

2010-04-29T23:29:00.000-04:00

Dad: The idiocy continues...
Me: I know. It is a goddamn ridiculous house of horrors.

So the universe decided not to end its years-long cosmic joke on Mavs fans tonight.

You should probably be really really nice to me tomorrow. Unless you want to get punched in the throat, because that will probably happen to someone at some point.

Kevin Van Aelst

2010-04-25T11:54:00.000-04:00

I think my favorite is the eyelash fish skeleton.

All right, you guys

2010-04-18T20:46:00.002-04:00

Let's not screw it up again this year at the last minute like a team of absolute idiots.

Shortlist

2010-04-18T09:17:00.007-04:00

I am fairly certain that within the past sixty hours, all of my body's liquids have been replaced by booze.

1. On Monday, the P73 reading of CARTHAGE went well and -- surprise -- some family was secretly in town and made an appearance. That was wonderful.

2. Later in the week, I had a debriefing session with my cousin and learned some family secrets over many, many glasses of wine. I'm pretty sure she and I are the only members of the extended fam who are not just completely bananas.

3. I finished a new play. No title yet. It's about a character from CARTHAGE -- Victoria -- and her family. Hands-down, bar-none, the most difficult play I've ever tried to write.

4. I am sick that I don't have a ticket to this.

Love.

2010-04-10T20:30:00.003-04:00

I'm running late because I haven't been able to stop watching this:

Take note: 1:08, 1:27, and 2:34.

I love this. How many of these outfits can I get away with?

Playwright #142, which is also the atomic number of Unquadbium

2010-04-10T12:51:00.005-04:00

There's this: in which Adam interviews me and after which I regret using the phrases "totally rad," "square," and "zombie flick."

All Missouri, all the time

2010-04-07T19:26:00.002-04:00

So the fine folks at Page 73 are doing a reading of Carthage (first time in NY, eek!). Here's the info:

CARTHAGE
by I-73 Member Emily Schwend
Directed by Davis McCallum (Elliot, A Soldier's Fugue)
Monday, April 12 at 7:00 PM
@ 311 West 43rd Street, 8th Floor (Manhattan Theatre Club Studio #3)

Reserve a seat today by emailing us at info@p73.org.

Complications arise and family secrets emerge when Hal returns to Carthage, Missouri, for the first time in six years to help his brother Bryan transition from state institution to regular life. Bryan, however, isn't about to make the process quick and easy, forcing Hal to confront deep-rooted issues that have kept these brothers apart throughout the years.

Yikes up in here.

2010-04-06T15:21:00.002-04:00

I have 100003 emails in my inbox that I have to deal with. I'm paralyzed by overwhelming to-do lists, so I'm closing Gmail, reading a volume of X-Men and pretending like it will all somehow take care of itself.

Here's a cat that scares the crap out of me:

Demon!

Tech-isolation

2010-03-25T17:26:00.008-04:00

Dear The Internets,

On Saturday, the two of us:

Are going here:

View Larger Map

To do this:

For one week.

See you in April.

Love,
Emily

Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned

2010-03-18T15:50:00.006-04:00

God, I'm a sucker for short story collections (ADD generation up in here). I'm reasonably certain nine out of every ten books (not including comic book volumes) that I pick up are short stories.

This one is entirely worth your time. The stories aren't linked, (although lord knows I'm a sucker for that too), but all of the characters in Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned share a certain desperate, hungry quality that I like. And the final title story of the collection, a strange, quietly human, and fairly gruesome Viking tale, wraps up the whole book so succinctly and so poignantly in its final paragraph -- it's pretty amazing. I read it a month or so ago, and it's stuck with me.

EDIT: you can read that story here, but I suggest reading the whole thing first...

In other news, my NCAA picks are off to a GREAT start (sarcasm) with the Notre Dame upset this afternoon. Boo everything Irish.

Real Estate

2010-03-13T01:33:00.006-05:00

Just got back from a badass Real Estate show at MHOW (technically they're co-headlining with Woods, but I was just there for Real Estate). After a fairly sub-par warm-up by Happy Birthday (we missed Wild Nothing), it was a total relief when Real Estate came out and tore that shit up.

For the first stop in their tour, their set was pretty tight. They started off with a new song ("that was the second time we've ever played that song") and then launched into "Beach Comber," which I have already professed my love for. And geez, I effing love a band that lets itself get jammy. I'm pretty sure I could watch them play an eternal loop of the instrumental section at the 3 minute mark of "Beach Comber" forever.

Other high points were "Fake Blues" towards the end, and a totally rad cover of an Ariel Pink song (EDIT: NOT "Round and Round," which was released a coupla days ago but something else... I want to say "My Molly?" Oy, can't remember.) Sounded great-- well done, sirs.

By the way, I dragged Alix with me, and throughout the course of the night, she was stepped on, rubbed up against and punched in the face. War wounds.

"Yes" to all of those dresses

2010-03-06T11:31:00.005-05:00

I was reading this NPR story about "obsolete occupations" this morning, and just as I was thinking that I would probably enjoy about half of these jobs (especially "lamplighter" and "pin setter"), I discovered that my day job is one of them. Number ten: typist. Good news, though, because in the fast-paced world of typing, "eventually, if a young woman proved herself in the pool, she might move up to be a secretary for a department or an individual."

Something's missing

2010-03-01T16:58:00.003-05:00

In this story about a man eating his winning scratchcard. I'm sorry. You don't go from "I'm frustrated" to "I'm going to eat 10,000 euro" without a stop in between.

I make sure this song is the last one I hear before I get in the elevator and go up to work

2010-02-23T16:34:00.007-05:00

I dare you to listen to this song to the end and not walk away feeling just, you know, totally great.

EDIT: On another note, I also just finished a new play. It's a thriller! Kind of. So I haven't just been spending all my time finding rad jams to post about and buying overpriced concert tickets on ticketmaster.com.

Etre et Avoir

2010-02-21T00:10:00.002-05:00

So, Jojo managed to melt my cold, snowman's heart:

2010-02-19T00:24:00.002-05:00

Well, Clybourne Park is pretty great. It's the new mainstage show at Playwrights (they're kind of on a roll this season, huh?) with an incredibly impeccable, sometimes brilliant cast.

Also, now I'm going to have to see Our Town a third time...

Zombies and stuff

2010-02-11T18:07:00.006-05:00

I just finished reading The Walking Dead Volume 11: Fear the Hunters after the usual torturously long wait for a new volume to come out. I cannot believe this comic has been out for so long and is still so mind-bogglingly good. Risky and dangerous, but always true to the world and the people in that world. And, God, the characters are just so damn good.

I would give all of the fingers on my left hand to be staffed on this.

Handsome Furs tease

2010-02-11T01:32:00.002-05:00

I don't know why this video tour diary of the Handsome Furs in Asia is on CNN.com, but I am really glad it is. Totally rad.

And until they get back into the US and I can see them play as many times as possible, I bought tickets for this and as soon as they're available, I will buy tickets to this and I will probably end up buying tickets to this when I peer pressure myself into a Monday night concert.

FU Snow

2010-02-09T21:33:00.005-05:00

So because of this crazy blizzard, the process of flying out to San Francisco has become a maelstrom of frustration, and after I was on hold with JetBlue for, you know, for forever, the automated voice told me, firmly, that it was doing its best, but it was just too busy for me right now, and then it hung up on me.

I feel like JetBlue just broke up with me. And in the most cliché way possible. Like, "it's not you, it's me"? Come on, JetBlue. Man the eff up.

Also, the on-hold playlist includes "Mockingbird" by Carly Simon. I mean, that could quite possibly be the worst song choice ever for pacifying frustrated and potentially snow-bound travelers.

In other news, I want to go to Norway. They seem to know how to do it right.

View Larger Map
And by "it," I mean, "chasing after the Google Maps Street View car in scuba gear."

Splinters, part the second

2010-02-01T03:36:00.003-05:00

Heading to Atlanta in a couple hours for play things (I'm writing this at 3:30 in the morning FYI). Decided against bringing my laptop... maybe a terrible idea.

FUN FACT: When I was really little, I thought the lost city of Atlantis was the same as Atlanta. Just like, like they found it, you guys. Basically what I'm trying to say is, I have very high expectations for this city.

Ars Nova OutLoud reading

2010-01-27T23:07:00.001-05:00

Ah, so in ten days or so, there's this:

SOUTH OF SETTLING by Emily Schwend
dir. by Davis McCallum

When her estranged cousin returns to small-town Carthage, Missouri after many years away, Kate Deckhouse finds her well kept world turned upside-down. Compelled to revisit a history she'd rather forget, Kate tries to walk the fine line between the lies we tell others and the lies we tell ourselves.

February 8th, 7pm
at Ars Nova
511 West 54th Street
New York, NY 10019
54th Street, just West of 10th Ave

Outrageous

2010-01-27T15:01:00.002-05:00

Okay, late to everything as per, just got my copy of Outrageous Fortune. I feel like I've read so much about it that I'm fully prepared for the worst.

Someone must have done this or it wouldn't be on the label

2010-01-26T17:28:00.003-05:00

Got a new battery for my cell phone today...

Whoops, been lighting my old, dead batteries on fire for years now.

I needed more stuff to decorate my apartment

2010-01-22T17:46:00.003-05:00

So I bought this:

Disturbed Fox Just Watched “Antichrist”

If you're like me...

2010-01-13T15:04:00.001-05:00

And you don't have the patience to read through Outrageous Fortune, there are a bunch of bloggers blogging through the whole thing. Pretty rad.

Woah.

2010-01-12T22:03:00.005-05:00

Ugh, just finished a really difficult application. And I think I used the word "Goddamn." Like as an exclamatory part of speech. Like "Goddamn, them potaters are tasty." That wasn't the sentence, but. Well. Okay, I may have been a little blazed when I started filling out this one...

Yeah, I'll reread it tomorrow before I send it in.

In other news: I need to see this one more time before I can wrap my brain around it.

Smudge at the Women's Project

2010-01-09T12:17:00.002-05:00

Mr. Keller killing it as per.

Technology, Schmecknology

2009-12-28T21:44:00.004-05:00

So I went without a computer for a week (gasp!) and three things happened:

1. I slept about 900x better.

2. I didn't do any work, and that feels weird.

3. I only really missed my laptop one time, and that was when I wanted to livepost a blow-by-blow account of my family's Christmas Eve dinner (...lots of shit got spilled. Coming soon to my next play).

Oh yeah. Stains the dog, if you haven't already seen it:

Crime or Emergency at PS122

2009-12-13T12:51:00.004-05:00

This show totally snuck up on me. I didn't know what it really was (and the synopsis does NOT do it justice) and it completely blew me away. Part cabaret, part monologue, part performance art, part... something else.

At one point, one particular costume change and the arrival of a new character signified by said costume change was so funny that I kept thinking about it and trying not to laugh out loud because the piece had moved on to a non-funny moment and laughing would be inappropriate. Church giggles.

And it's a show that won't break the bank, woo hoo.

Mom gets a haircut, battles technology

2009-12-11T16:44:00.001-05:00

Mom: Good to go with Margaret next Weds.

Me: I'm going to want pics.

Mom: Oh no- a new thing I have to learn.

YES.

2009-12-02T19:17:00.001-05:00

Circle Mirror Transformation Will Return to NYC Dec 15

What can you do on Thursday, December 10th, at 3 o'clock in the afternoon?

2009-11-30T22:27:00.006-05:00

Well, there's a reading of my play.

SPLINTERS

The gripping story of a family torn apart in the wake of a kidnapping.

Directed by Davis McCallum

Thursday, December 10th at 3pm

New York Theatre Workshop
83 E. 4th St., 3rd Floor

RSVP to celise.kalke@woodruffcenter.org

Sometimes I get home on Monday and my brain can only handle things like this:

2009-11-30T19:29:00.001-05:00

This is surely some kind of hell

2009-11-25T13:34:00.003-05:00

I've been cleaning out/importing a lot of music onto my computer after discovering a shoebox full of unlabeled CDs inside of a larger box full of cables, power cords and other computer accoutrements. There's music I forgot I had, music I forgot I loved, music I'm not sure... why I loved.

And there was this. An instrumental something or other (off a soundtrack?) that is so familiar to me, but I cannot place. It was on a mix CD that I used to play when I was driving in VA, but no other tracks on that CD are related to this one. I have no idea what it is. Explosions in the Sky? I don't think so... but maybe? Basically it is going to drive me nuts until I figure it out.

UPDATE: WHAT IS IT. WHAT. IS IT.

UPDATE UPDATE: Broken Social Scene. Phew.

Neat

2009-11-23T11:09:00.001-05:00

Best Book Covers of the 00's

A story stolen, sort of from my parents

2009-11-18T15:35:00.003-05:00

Who started dating in high school. (Except, of course, I've bastardized this story to make it sort of pathetic, and in real-life, well, it probably wasn't. Sorry, Dad! Haha.)

TIM (50s)
I remember one time when I was in high school, I had a big crush on-- well, I guess we were actually dating at that point, so I don't know if you still call it a crush when you're actually dating, even though, man, I was really into that girl. Tracy Hughes. She was just-- I don't know. Something about that girl. I was hooked. One time we were at the pool-- everyone spent every day of summer at the pool. Cheapest thing to do when there was nothing else to do, and there wasn't usually a lot else to do. So we were at the pool this one day and I got it into my head that I was gonna dive off the high dive-- not just the high dive, but the highest dive, see there were three of 'em and one was high and one was higher and then there was the highest dive and that's the one I decided to dive off of. And I waited til everyone was watching-- I waited til Tracy Hughes was watching-- and then I leaped off the high dive-- the highest dive-- and I smacked down flat on the water. Belly flop. Most painful-- I think my stomach must've been bright red after that. And everyone was laughing and I was just... humiliated. Beyond humiliated. And I swam over to the side of the pool and I looked up at Tracy Hughes and her face was bright red too. Bright as the bright red on my stomach I'd say.

DENNY (21)
How come?

TIM
Guess she was embarrassed. We were dating then, see, and I had embarrassed myself in front of everyone and so I had embarrassed Tracy Hughes in front of everyone too.

DENNY
Oh.

TIM
See, it's really hard to like a girl the same amount that she likes you. It's more or less, and if it's more, then usually a part of you realizes that it's more and then you try to do all sorts of things to make up for the fact that you like that girl a lot more than she likes you. And usually the things you start to do are stupid things because you're trying to impress her, but usually those things don't impress her and they just end up embarrassing her or confusing her or freaking her out a little bit. And you don't want to do that.

(A beat.)

DENNY
I feel like I always like girls more than they like me.

So this is how my boss and I spent a small chunk of work today

2009-11-09T11:37:00.003-05:00

Translation Party

2009-11-09T10:05:00.001-05:00

I hate that when Isherwood actually LIKES a new play (by a woman), I feel like my world has turned upside down and I have no idea what to think.

And another check mark for today

2009-10-28T17:18:00.002-04:00

Me: Hey, bored at work? Zooborns.
Sushi: I have gotten absolutely nothing done today thanks to this website.

Whoops, still in Carthage

2009-10-26T21:57:00.003-04:00

So I'm writing a third Carthage play -- I just can't help it. I'm almost done with it, and then I'll have three plays that take place in Carthage and then I think it'll be time to move on.

I worry that they won't stand alone, although CARTHAGE stands alone, so maybe that's not something I should be worried about. I'll find out for sure in a couple weeks, when I bring one of these new plays to the group at P73. Ugh. That could be disaster. I'm definitely bringing booze.

But sooner rather than later, I need to go back to Missouri. I'm planning a weekend -- I haven't decided if I want to fly to Texas and drive up, or fly straight to Missouri. Or wait until winter and drive from Virginia... I'm not sure.

I wish I could think of someone to coerce into riding shotgun if I drive, but "come to a small town in Missouri that I'm obsessed with!" is not really a good pitch. Although I just Google'd "Carthage MO" and the town of Carthage MO has a website, and on that website they have a tourism section, so...

Adding to the incredible well of "lame" that I possess

2009-10-16T19:01:00.008-04:00

After another sleepless night of freezing in my ice-cold-witch's-tit room, I impulse-purchased this from Amazon:

Warm Wiskers Black and White Cat Hot Water Bottle

Come on, guys, it's so goddamned cold at night. Yeah, "Warm Wiskers--" whatever, I would buy this if it was a giant Richard Nixon head made out of chenille.

In the comments below, the first customer writes:

"I purchased this hot water bottle to help keep a homeless cat warm during the winter. He loves it. He snuggles with it for hours."

You know what? That doesn't even shame me one bit. The only job a cat has is NAPPING. That's like, an expert opinion. Hot water bottle: approved. Thanks, homeless cat.

Here's a story:

2009-10-07T21:35:00.007-04:00

When I was in high school I worked at a CVS pharmacy as a checkout girl. That wasn't the official title -- "checkout girl" -- but I forget the official title. "Sales associate?" That's not right, but, whatever, it doesn't matter. My parents didn't give me an allowance after I turned "no-longer-a-child" and so I got a job at a CVS as a checkout girl.

Not that my parents weren't supportive parents, then (and still are. Hi, Dad). They sent me to a good school and they let me take piano lessons and flute lessons and cello lessons and they did all kinds of purely generous and thoughtful things that I did not deserve or probably appreciate. But they weren't about to hand me my own credit card and take me on shopping binges at the mall. And I had important things to buy when I was sixteen. Like red hair dye (mistake) and a Frappuccino every day until my metabolism caught up with me.

Anyway.

One day when I was behind the register, a couple girls from my high school came in and I had to ring them up and it was the worst thing ever. Girls at my high school worked at their uncle's law office or at a shop in Bethesda or at a daycare at their brother's elementary or at a Starbucks halfway between their house and school. And usually just during the summer. They worked somewhere that made sense, where they had perks like free coffee or a clothing discount or nepotism. They worked somewhere that sounded somewhat charming.

It wasn't charming to work at the CVS in Darnestown, MD.

Luckily, not many people lived in Darnestown, MD. My best friend lived in Darnestown, MD, but she had a weird affinity for the CVS I worked at and she used to come in all the time and that was okay. The time I rang up these other girls from my high school, it was not okay. They came up to the register and one of them said, "oh my God, EMILY? I didn't know you worked here! That is so cute!" And they all agreed, it was so cute. And I probably turned bright red and I rang them up as fast as possible and then I died. Just, died.

One of the girls was in my AP Bio class, and the next time I saw her, she brought it up, of course: "It's so funny that you work there." Okay. "No, because, like, everyone who works there is, like... like there's that weird old guy who looks like Doc from the Seven Dwarves." Bobby. "And then, there's like... you work there. It's so funny." Yep, don't know what to say to that. What do you possibly say to that?

I wasn't proud of working at CVS. I should've been. Screw 'em -- most of 'em had never had a real job in their life. They didn't cram for French Lit in the breakroom. They used their parents' credit cards to pay for their gas. They probably didn't know their Social Security numbers by heart.

But I didn't feel proud. I felt deeply ashamed. And shame wasn't an emotion that I felt a lot in my adolescence. Anxiety? Embarrassment? Sure. Not shame. I was too proud, usually, and too stubborn and too opinionated about most things, to feel shame. But at that moment -- "it's so funny" -- I felt truly shamed by those girls.

It's funny, because now it's completely the reverse. I feel so so happy to have a day job, and it's almost a source of pride that it's a job I actually like. I'm relieved that I don't have to stress about paying my rent, and I'm glad that I'm financially independent, after years in college when I wasn't.

I can't imagine being ashamed of... working? I'd probably be ashamed if I were a trust fund kid. I think I'd probably lie. Or, at least, I'd hedge. Because there would always be that one person that you probably only know on a passing-acquaintence level, at best, who'd say "your parents bought you an apartment in Chelsea? That's so cute. That's so funny."

Things that influenced me as a writer, besides CATS

2009-10-04T20:24:00.005-04:00

I think this episode of Looney Tunes shaped me as a writer more than anything else I saw growing up. Not because I'm into meta-theater or whatever, just because it blew my mind that something like this could be done:

"Duck Amuck"

I distinctly remember coming home every day from preschool hoping they would replay this episode. And actually, I think I only saw this episode one time in my entire childhood.

I can't believe this is from the 1950s. It is 100 times better than children's shows today. Most children's shows. Well, it's better than Dora the fucking Explorer, that's for sure. Daffy is quoting Longfellow, for Christ's sake.

Every part of this article is horrifying

2009-09-23T12:11:00.000-04:00

Snake with Foot Found in China

It just gets weirder and worse. The last sentence?? Why???

In case you live under a rock, playwrights...

2009-09-21T20:06:00.004-04:00

Submissions for the O'Neill are happening right now and you're an idiot if you don't submit your play. It's a dream. The happiest consecutive four weeks I've had in a very long time and incredibly restorative as an artist/human-- especially if you've spent your entire life in school or in somewhere like school and have just been released into the non-school world. Which, by the way, I love.

Submit submit submit.

I'd probably just blow all my money on the ponies, anyway

2009-09-12T23:50:00.007-04:00

The fact that the government took $240 out of last week's paycheck makes it difficult for me to imagine the day I'll have saved up enough money for these:

This:

Or anything that is a step up from my current iPod which looks like this:

Ooooohrah!

2009-09-06T10:07:00.003-04:00

I love when I go to a play written by someone I like and directed by someone I like and then the play is written and directed as awesomely as those people.

So you should go see it!

Oohrah!
Atlantic Stage 2

And as an added bonus-- the theater is located four stories underneath the ground. You have to take an elevator down and if the apocalypse happens during the show, you'll survive! Extreme play-seeing!

This makes my heart happy

2009-09-03T22:01:00.002-04:00

Public pianos in Bristol

New play

2009-09-03T00:20:00.007-04:00

At the O'Neill, a question that came up a lot was "where did this play come from?" as in "why did you write this" or "what was the motivation" or, in my case, "why Carthage, Missouri?" For whatever reason, that question was tricky for me-- play origin questions have always been tricky for me.

Carthage started with two chunks of scenes that I just wrote for fun the summer before I started Juilliard when I was still in the middle of Splinters, also known as the saddest play of all time. There was this super-early opening hotel room scene, and what later became Bryan's bee monologue. I wrote those in the summer, and then I didn't touch either one until-- oh, sometime in the fall. Maybe a month or two later, which doesn't sound like a long time, but for me, that's a long time to sit on something.

Anyway.

Now, when I start new plays, I try to be much more aware of why I'm setting out to write whatever I'm setting out to write. And I think that being aware of the impetus for a play earlier on helps me write it-- both quicker (this last one was less than a month start to finish) and with a stronger sense of direction.

So: This new play came from a character in Carthage, Irwin, whose life I wanted to see a little more of. The play is a response to themes in Carthage like reconnecting to family, abandonment, and selflessness, that I wanted to explore from another angle, and, if possible, more heart-wrenchingly. Don't worry, it's still kind of funny. Some of the time.

New online crack

2009-09-01T23:07:00.002-04:00

In the past two weeks, I have moved into a new apartment/started a new job/stopped sleeping/finished a new play/turned 24.

But today I discovered this, and now I will be drastically less productive these next two weeks. I am truly hypnotized by these animalcams.

"Finishing" act two for the past two weeks

2009-08-28T00:18:00.006-04:00

Makes me feel like a tortoise chasing a tomato:

Goddammit I just want the stupid tomato.

Really, Mr. Piven?

2009-08-27T18:14:00.001-04:00

“I think our president has shown us, beautifully, that the high road is the road to take, and so I’m going to take his lead on this"

Sometimes I wish Barney Frank were my senator...

2009-08-19T11:16:00.000-04:00

A Tanka I Wrote a Couple Days Ago for the Man Sitting Next to Me on the Bus Who Had Never Heard of Personal Space

2009-08-14T01:25:00.006-04:00

Alternate Title: Long Lost Lover

I can feel your thigh
Because it's touching my thigh.
You're lucky the fork
In my purse is just plastic,
Or I would stab you with it.

Slope

2009-08-08T14:29:00.004-04:00

2009-08-06T09:27:00.001-04:00

Someone's mother discovers emoticons

Carthage 2: The Uprising

2009-08-05T00:12:00.005-04:00

I'm writing another play that takes place in Carthage, MO, although this one isn't really about the town, it just has to take place there because I'm reviving a character from Carthage and so. Well. So Irwin still lives in Carthage, therefore the play takes place in Carthage. But it's not... well whatever.

Here's some visual dramaturgy:

It's good to be back in New York...

2009-08-03T10:46:00.006-04:00

...but apartment hunting's a bitch.

Yesterday I saw a gobsmack beautiful apartment in Cobble Hill that was not so much within my budget, but the woman renting it was a trip.

Like, let me play you some of my own CDs I'm a musician here track two is better, and I designed the artwork on the cover.

Like she doesn't want cheese with rennet in the fridge because she keeps kosher and do you know what kosher means even though you're... Catholic? You're not Catholic? What are you?

Like, let me show you the hats I make for supplementary income. I wish I had bought one, in all seriousness, because I look good in hats and these were some adorable hats. Like, cloche-1920s style. Amazing.

I love this woman. In another life, I would be this woman.